information for readers, I am transferring to Wordpress.com. Here's my link http://tamikurarisa.wordpress.com/
it's not really well designed... yet.. but I will try to er... beautify it after I finished all my stuff.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Entry #7: Sunday, 22 May 2011
Actually I was gonna write something few seconds ago.
But I forgot what is it.
So, see you in tomorrow's post! :P
But I forgot what is it.
So, see you in tomorrow's post! :P
Friday, May 20, 2011
Entry #6: Friday, 20 May 2011
YES! I finished my business plan presentation!
It's not actually something great. It's just four slides with almost nothing inside.
But it's worth telling. Since I have one thing ticked off of my to-do-list.
I actually drooled when I did that. Because I am doing a Indonesian-food based café. And I had to import so many kinds of Indonesian food to the presentation.
Nasi padang, sate padang, pempek palembang, babi panggang, martabak, cendol, bika ambon... alright, I am drooling again. *pushes all foods away
Well, I still have five more assignments to go, not to mention this coming Wednesday's 'not open book' test and group presentation which we (our group) haven't even talked about it yet.. since.. er..
Forget about that. Anyway, it's 21:00 now and I'd rather go and sleep. I'll just do those tomorrow. Meanwhile, I really crave for animes now, and I have tons of episodes waiting and grabbing my legs, wanting me to download them soon. But I don't have enough limit of internet to download them, and I was tempted many times to recharge my Vodafone for 6 GB plan this month. But in the end, before I clicked Recharge, I would always come back to my senses and quit Safari immediately. Then I would slam shut my MacBook and not even glance at it again.
Now that I am talking about it, 'they' grabbed my legs again. Oh shit, I really want to download it, but I just can't. What the hell should I do? Dammit.
Alright, the best way is just to turn off the Internet connection and go watch some other movies (that I have already downloaded or something). That's it. Just go away.
Anyway, I still have to wait three more weeks to actually download those episodes.
AARGH! What the fuck! Go away, go away! Don't think of them, just go away!
p.s I am going crazy and you don't need to remind me of that.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Entry #5: Thursday, 19 May 2011
Alright, I am a total failure. I didn't go to class today, hoping to save train money and at least finish 60% of my business plan assignment. In the end, I got stuck at the plan for three hours this afternoon and after scratching my head continuously (some hairs fell off), I went to cook lunch and took a bath. Then I sat down again, thinking about the knot in the plan.
After few minutes, I gave up and went to make coffee. I sipped the coffee while I made a Facebook page of Ao no Exorcist. Then, I realised it's dark outside and the time was 18:00. I thought to myself, 'Alright, give up. You can't finish it today, so do that tomorrow. For now, just focus on your entertainment.'
Total failure. How am I suppose to face my inner self? (what the hell? who's my inner self anyway?)
Crap. Everything's crap. Like my parents' business, scrap metal.
Okay, I dropped the idea of using this as my diary and my new wordpress site as anime&manga diary. I need long time to learn about wordpress and I don't see any gadgets on that site like blogspot which actually defines the blog. So, I will make this everything; my crap life stories and my obsession and swear words. I'll probably just kick away wordpress or just not touch it at all.
Since I am not doing anymore of my plan, I am just going to continue on Facebook.
Until then, bye.
After few minutes, I gave up and went to make coffee. I sipped the coffee while I made a Facebook page of Ao no Exorcist. Then, I realised it's dark outside and the time was 18:00. I thought to myself, 'Alright, give up. You can't finish it today, so do that tomorrow. For now, just focus on your entertainment.'
Total failure. How am I suppose to face my inner self? (what the hell? who's my inner self anyway?)
Crap. Everything's crap. Like my parents' business, scrap metal.
Okay, I dropped the idea of using this as my diary and my new wordpress site as anime&manga diary. I need long time to learn about wordpress and I don't see any gadgets on that site like blogspot which actually defines the blog. So, I will make this everything; my crap life stories and my obsession and swear words. I'll probably just kick away wordpress or just not touch it at all.
Since I am not doing anymore of my plan, I am just going to continue on Facebook.
Until then, bye.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Entry #4: Wednesday, 18 May 2011
First of all, lemme say something about the news for today.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was such a failure. I mean, I loved Terminator. Just the first series though. But he disappointed every fans in one night. And his family. Again, I mean, it's 25 years of marriage, dammit. It has just been exposed the woman who's borne his love-child.
Some watermelons exploded in China. I mean, watermelons DON'T normally explode. It just did in China.
Some guy from Wisconsin ate his 25,000 BigMac today. It's freaking crazy. He didn't have any cholesterol or diabetes or whatever disease it is. And he ate 25,000 BigMacs. (video: Man Eats 25 000th Big Mac)
...
I don't have class tomorrow. Actually I have it, but we're just not obliged to go. I will get to save 8 bucks for train.
I need to hasten on my business plan. Then I can actually and properly say goodbye to it next week.
I have a nosebleed for the first time of my 17 year, 3 months and 18 days. It was not oozing out, but it's quite dry and only seen when I tried to sneeze. Anyway. I am quite happy. (Don't look at me like that)
I should finish up now and do my plan. And other queueing assignments as well.
I can't wait to get confirmation from my agent.
I can't wait to go back.
I can't wait for this course to finish and fuck off.
College countdown: 11 days left.
Gotta do homework now.
Some guy from Wisconsin ate his 25,000 BigMac today. It's freaking crazy. He didn't have any cholesterol or diabetes or whatever disease it is. And he ate 25,000 BigMacs. (video: Man Eats 25 000th Big Mac)
...
I don't have class tomorrow. Actually I have it, but we're just not obliged to go. I will get to save 8 bucks for train.
I need to hasten on my business plan. Then I can actually and properly say goodbye to it next week.
I have a nosebleed for the first time of my 17 year, 3 months and 18 days. It was not oozing out, but it's quite dry and only seen when I tried to sneeze. Anyway. I am quite happy. (Don't look at me like that)
I should finish up now and do my plan. And other queueing assignments as well.
I can't wait to get confirmation from my agent.
I can't wait to go back.
I can't wait for this course to finish and fuck off.
College countdown: 11 days left.
Gotta do homework now.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Entry #3: Tuesday, 17 May 2011
From this post onwards, I am going to put the title of the post like above, since it's troublesome to come up with a title. I'll just come up with sub-title in every single paragraph I typed down. (not necessarily)
First of all, congrats to my high school friends whose exam results had been announced yesterday afternoon. Of course, I didn't forget my elementary school and junior high school friends too. Congrats, to all of them.
Their achievement in high school somewhat made me sick. I felt awful, that is why I tried not to speak to any of them on chats or emails right now..
What? You want to know why? Piss of, I have no whatsoever right to tell you my problems. Don't ask anymore, 'cause I might probably slam my iPhone to the wall.
I'll just focus on the fucking 'cutesy' business plan for Ross Summerfield now, and probably present it this Thursday and print it and submit it to him and never come back for his class as I am going to bid goodbye and farewell to him.
Oh shit. I can't bid him goodbye yet. I still haven't known the results of that University, whether they can guarantee my entry next year or not. If they have, then I still have to tell Ross about canceling my Diploma course.
Anyway...
I just woke up, you know? It's 09:49 now (when I typed until here) and I am eating some kind of breakfast I have never met before, chicken soup+macaroni+some grinded meat scattered in the soup+frozen peas and carrots from supermarket. But it is actually quite good and I plan to use this menu for my lunch after my honey mustard stock for salad is finished. I need to finish it now today... need to peel some apples again. Fuck.
I still have:
-business plan
-wikispace
-wollonggaba
-hair saloon team work project
to do.
And don't mention the case study Peter Heywood gave us all, and it seems like he will have our assessment on the very last week of this course (probably 8 June) and his case studies are fucking boring. In the first class, I thought it was better, since there are only 5 of us from the original class. Now including those fast-track-mostly-chinese-vietnamese-and-pakistan-people, it has become boring and I would always sit at the back, no matter what. For what, you asked? To daydream and sleep of course!
Sometimes I would think, that I am really wasting my parents' money if I go to class and daydream, but it can't be helped. Ever wanted to pee so badly but the bathroom is in use? That is the kind of feeling. I wanted to concentrate so badly in my mind, but my body won't listen, and it kept forcing me to close my eyes or forcing my fingers to pick up the pencil and draw some mangas instead. In the end, I actually done a short story of a manga, I created it myself, and it's two and half pages of A4 paper already. If this drags down, it'll probably become a book.
If it's really confirmed, then I will need a luggage. Two of my luggage which stored most of my clothes; house clothes and miscellaneous, are all in my cousin's two small hand-carry luggage. I wouldn't bring them along with me, since it's theirs and I have to give them back everything. The iron, the hairdryer, the fan are all theirs which I borrowed. Although the cloth hanger is not included, Mel sis bought it for me, and she asked me not to pay her. I despise myself of people buying things for me, but it can't be helped, since this way of life is too frustrating. No one actually understand what I think. Even though my mum boasted she knew what I always think of, she's only partially right. Sometimes, it also might be some coincidences.
So the conclusion is trust yourself. I can't not trust other people, 'cause that is what I always rely on since young, trust people. Now, I will learn to look through people who are trustworthy.
Naw, what am I writing? It sounds so mushy, yuck!
Alright, that's the end of story.
p.s I am freaking obsessed by SPYAIR right now. IKE is so cute! Ha!
another p.s I just opened MySpace. I have 38 friend notifications and 5 messages. Cool. I am going to add SPYAIR as my friend. And it's approved! In less than 10 seconds. Well, he's online.
the third p.s I am also obsessed by 銀魂! (Wow, I typed this kanji myself) It's GinTama, an anime. It's whole rubbish, the story plot. But it's entertaining especially when you feel down or stressed. Patient people will like this. People who only likes battles and serious stories will hate this anime. I love that ばか金髪のsamurai.. I don't know how to write samurai, but anyway... they have some affliations with Bleach, since their show airing is on the same day every week. Some meanings and words in Bleach such as Bankai in Gintama is also mentioned. From Naruto as well. Which is why it's funny. Haha.
the fourth I am currently reading new manga. 青野の祓魔師 (AO NO EXORCIST); ao means blue. It's really good. I watch it too. Only the first episode. I don't have the capacity to download the rest of the episodes. Maybe it's better. I will wait till it's until episode ten and I get to watch them all in one go after my course finished!
the fifth I actually made a wordpress blog. But I haven't written anything yet. I plan to use this as my daily life diary, and that wordpress for anime, manga. yosh, it's settled! I will start decorating that blog... not now. Later after my course is finished..... zzz.zzz
the sixth Alright, sorry for dragging it until the fifth and now the sixth.. but I kinda remembered what I wanted to type down in this post when I am reaching the end, it's my habit. I am going to attend the graduation ceremony of last year's course tonight. And fuck it, why must it be night? And on weekday of all? Fuck it, screw it.
By the way, it's 10:30 now. I have been doing this for .... minutes....hours.. count it yourself.
First of all, congrats to my high school friends whose exam results had been announced yesterday afternoon. Of course, I didn't forget my elementary school and junior high school friends too. Congrats, to all of them.
Their achievement in high school somewhat made me sick. I felt awful, that is why I tried not to speak to any of them on chats or emails right now..
What? You want to know why? Piss of, I have no whatsoever right to tell you my problems. Don't ask anymore, 'cause I might probably slam my iPhone to the wall.
I'll just focus on the fucking 'cutesy' business plan for Ross Summerfield now, and probably present it this Thursday and print it and submit it to him and never come back for his class as I am going to bid goodbye and farewell to him.
Oh shit. I can't bid him goodbye yet. I still haven't known the results of that University, whether they can guarantee my entry next year or not. If they have, then I still have to tell Ross about canceling my Diploma course.
Anyway...
I just woke up, you know? It's 09:49 now (when I typed until here) and I am eating some kind of breakfast I have never met before, chicken soup+macaroni+some grinded meat scattered in the soup+frozen peas and carrots from supermarket. But it is actually quite good and I plan to use this menu for my lunch after my honey mustard stock for salad is finished. I need to finish it now today... need to peel some apples again. Fuck.
I still have:
-business plan
-wikispace
-wollonggaba
-hair saloon team work project
to do.
And don't mention the case study Peter Heywood gave us all, and it seems like he will have our assessment on the very last week of this course (probably 8 June) and his case studies are fucking boring. In the first class, I thought it was better, since there are only 5 of us from the original class. Now including those fast-track-mostly-chinese-vietnamese-and-pakistan-people, it has become boring and I would always sit at the back, no matter what. For what, you asked? To daydream and sleep of course!
Sometimes I would think, that I am really wasting my parents' money if I go to class and daydream, but it can't be helped. Ever wanted to pee so badly but the bathroom is in use? That is the kind of feeling. I wanted to concentrate so badly in my mind, but my body won't listen, and it kept forcing me to close my eyes or forcing my fingers to pick up the pencil and draw some mangas instead. In the end, I actually done a short story of a manga, I created it myself, and it's two and half pages of A4 paper already. If this drags down, it'll probably become a book.
If it's really confirmed, then I will need a luggage. Two of my luggage which stored most of my clothes; house clothes and miscellaneous, are all in my cousin's two small hand-carry luggage. I wouldn't bring them along with me, since it's theirs and I have to give them back everything. The iron, the hairdryer, the fan are all theirs which I borrowed. Although the cloth hanger is not included, Mel sis bought it for me, and she asked me not to pay her. I despise myself of people buying things for me, but it can't be helped, since this way of life is too frustrating. No one actually understand what I think. Even though my mum boasted she knew what I always think of, she's only partially right. Sometimes, it also might be some coincidences.
So the conclusion is trust yourself. I can't not trust other people, 'cause that is what I always rely on since young, trust people. Now, I will learn to look through people who are trustworthy.
Naw, what am I writing? It sounds so mushy, yuck!
Alright, that's the end of story.
p.s I am freaking obsessed by SPYAIR right now. IKE is so cute! Ha!
another p.s I just opened MySpace. I have 38 friend notifications and 5 messages. Cool. I am going to add SPYAIR as my friend. And it's approved! In less than 10 seconds. Well, he's online.
the third p.s I am also obsessed by 銀魂! (Wow, I typed this kanji myself) It's GinTama, an anime. It's whole rubbish, the story plot. But it's entertaining especially when you feel down or stressed. Patient people will like this. People who only likes battles and serious stories will hate this anime. I love that ばか金髪のsamurai.. I don't know how to write samurai, but anyway... they have some affliations with Bleach, since their show airing is on the same day every week. Some meanings and words in Bleach such as Bankai in Gintama is also mentioned. From Naruto as well. Which is why it's funny. Haha.
the fifth I actually made a wordpress blog. But I haven't written anything yet. I plan to use this as my daily life diary, and that wordpress for anime, manga. yosh, it's settled! I will start decorating that blog... not now. Later after my course is finished..... zzz.zzz
the sixth Alright, sorry for dragging it until the fifth and now the sixth.. but I kinda remembered what I wanted to type down in this post when I am reaching the end, it's my habit. I am going to attend the graduation ceremony of last year's course tonight. And fuck it, why must it be night? And on weekday of all? Fuck it, screw it.
By the way, it's 10:30 now. I have been doing this for .... minutes....hours.. count it yourself.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
download and.. talking about shit
Oh my gosh, recently, I am so addicted to downloading stuff on the Internet.
What stuff, you ask? Nothing much, it's just episodes.
I am freaking maniac in anime and now I am trying to finish Bleach series. I am now on episode #165 of the episodes (out of 320) and I finished the manga! Phew, it was a tiring progress, sitting on the chair and reading all of those, but it feels good. I wish I could work in manga publishing department or whatever it's called, because you get to read any manga they published for free! That totally rocks!
I know I shouldn't be doing this since my homeworks are in deadline and I have yet to finish even a quarter of them. That's why I am promising myself to focus on those and finish all friggin' homeworks and after this course of mine is over (which is exactly one month, four weeks left) then, I will go to my cousin's place to do the download for the last time. She's moving away probably in July or August, damn it. That's why I need to download every or any movies I have yet to download and which need a lot space to download.
Well, if my cousin's moving to another apartment, I wouldn't be so worried. But she's moving away and going to rent a room, which is impossible to have her had Internet connection anymore. So, I have to work hard in downloading.
Shit. Speaking of July, I remembered my previous post yesterday which is so full of darkness. I really wanted to do other course other than business, but it seems like my parents financial situation is not turning well at all, so I am stuck in Business. I have to finish 3 years of it and struggle through it and then find a job, then earn money, and live my life. It's not even sure if I could get a job in Sydney, I might end up like my cousin who had just graduated last year and unemployed here so he went back to Indonesia and now helping his father's metal business? I don't see any change in the business at all, and yeah, i don't want to be like that, but it's hard. I don't want to think about it. If I think of it more, the outcome will end up worst than I have imagined. I will just relax and live day by day. Downloading movies, and reading mangas, and listening to music.
p.s if I could find a way to stay in Australia this July to January 2012 without going to university ('cause the intake is in February), then I would be much more happier than anyone else in this world.
What stuff, you ask? Nothing much, it's just episodes.
I am freaking maniac in anime and now I am trying to finish Bleach series. I am now on episode #165 of the episodes (out of 320) and I finished the manga! Phew, it was a tiring progress, sitting on the chair and reading all of those, but it feels good. I wish I could work in manga publishing department or whatever it's called, because you get to read any manga they published for free! That totally rocks!
I know I shouldn't be doing this since my homeworks are in deadline and I have yet to finish even a quarter of them. That's why I am promising myself to focus on those and finish all friggin' homeworks and after this course of mine is over (which is exactly one month, four weeks left) then, I will go to my cousin's place to do the download for the last time. She's moving away probably in July or August, damn it. That's why I need to download every or any movies I have yet to download and which need a lot space to download.
Well, if my cousin's moving to another apartment, I wouldn't be so worried. But she's moving away and going to rent a room, which is impossible to have her had Internet connection anymore. So, I have to work hard in downloading.
Shit. Speaking of July, I remembered my previous post yesterday which is so full of darkness. I really wanted to do other course other than business, but it seems like my parents financial situation is not turning well at all, so I am stuck in Business. I have to finish 3 years of it and struggle through it and then find a job, then earn money, and live my life. It's not even sure if I could get a job in Sydney, I might end up like my cousin who had just graduated last year and unemployed here so he went back to Indonesia and now helping his father's metal business? I don't see any change in the business at all, and yeah, i don't want to be like that, but it's hard. I don't want to think about it. If I think of it more, the outcome will end up worst than I have imagined. I will just relax and live day by day. Downloading movies, and reading mangas, and listening to music.
p.s if I could find a way to stay in Australia this July to January 2012 without going to university ('cause the intake is in February), then I would be much more happier than anyone else in this world.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Pissed Off
My mind is in a whirl. I really really feel empty. And useless.
On second thought, I really wish I could die now. Every time I peel apples, or pears to eat, I will always think, what will actually happen if I really killed myself.
Alright, quit being dramatic. Back to the real story now.
Yeah, I wanted to die. It's real story. There are so many things to finish; incomplete, unorganised, and indecisive. There are so many things waiting for me to say yes to them and tick them off as approval. But I can't just find the strength and ability to tick them and approve them.
I am now being stuck at the middle. Since the beginning, I am always stuck in the middle. The left and the right side never wanted me; they never thought of asking me to join. Just like I am Chinese but I am Indonesian too. I am Chinese living in Indonesian, but the Indonesian despise Chinese, and the real Chinese did not acknowledge us as one of their own. So, it's basically stuck in the middle. Someone with no identity.
My current state is about one choice which will decide my future. I am being stuck because of one reason; money. Money is a scary thing, eh? It helps you in terms of purchasing, power and authority, but when you run out of it, you'll be chased by it and everyone else. You will be stomped and rolled around in someone else's palms who have more money than you, who have power and authority. Basically, the situation of having no money is like telling you to scram and die.
Of course, I am trying my best to have hope. Have hope in other people who encourage you, have hope in God who will always come to help, have hope in life. But what happens?
Shit happens. It's the fact. Nothing is going well for you, and it's always obstacles you are having each and everyday of your lives. Everyone else is having good life, they get to enjoy things more than us and their problems are always solved easily, but we are always having problems and it were never solved and they keep coming day by day.
I am now being driven to corner by 'money' and was forced to choose 'something' I don't like and not interested in. My nearest person did not get the hint I placed in the message, and seemed relieved that I choose 'something' instead of 'that thing' which costs more money, and pressure on their lives. Of course, I wouldn't want them to suffer, but I am the one who's like idiot now, thinking for the welfare of the people around me while me myself aren't noticed at all.
I am really a spoiled kid, I realised that. I know the situation is not going to change, but I can't help but to hope, because the other person gave me hope. That's why I have been trying to avoid that person and if I can't avoid her, I can't help but feel pissed off and angry because they talk like they are giving me hope, encouraging me to do what I want, and getting my hopes up. But after exchanging few conversations, they will start to see our hopes high up and began to stomp them down to their feet. It is like carrying someone and throwing them to the floor harshly. They did not realise they have done such thing, and kept doing that.
I decided to change the perspective of life to not trust anyone easily, even though it's a family. I will live by instinct, like how animals live, because I am raised and surrounded by untrustworthy people.
On second thought, I really wish I could die now. Every time I peel apples, or pears to eat, I will always think, what will actually happen if I really killed myself.
Alright, quit being dramatic. Back to the real story now.
Yeah, I wanted to die. It's real story. There are so many things to finish; incomplete, unorganised, and indecisive. There are so many things waiting for me to say yes to them and tick them off as approval. But I can't just find the strength and ability to tick them and approve them.
I am now being stuck at the middle. Since the beginning, I am always stuck in the middle. The left and the right side never wanted me; they never thought of asking me to join. Just like I am Chinese but I am Indonesian too. I am Chinese living in Indonesian, but the Indonesian despise Chinese, and the real Chinese did not acknowledge us as one of their own. So, it's basically stuck in the middle. Someone with no identity.
My current state is about one choice which will decide my future. I am being stuck because of one reason; money. Money is a scary thing, eh? It helps you in terms of purchasing, power and authority, but when you run out of it, you'll be chased by it and everyone else. You will be stomped and rolled around in someone else's palms who have more money than you, who have power and authority. Basically, the situation of having no money is like telling you to scram and die.
Of course, I am trying my best to have hope. Have hope in other people who encourage you, have hope in God who will always come to help, have hope in life. But what happens?
Shit happens. It's the fact. Nothing is going well for you, and it's always obstacles you are having each and everyday of your lives. Everyone else is having good life, they get to enjoy things more than us and their problems are always solved easily, but we are always having problems and it were never solved and they keep coming day by day.
I am now being driven to corner by 'money' and was forced to choose 'something' I don't like and not interested in. My nearest person did not get the hint I placed in the message, and seemed relieved that I choose 'something' instead of 'that thing' which costs more money, and pressure on their lives. Of course, I wouldn't want them to suffer, but I am the one who's like idiot now, thinking for the welfare of the people around me while me myself aren't noticed at all.
I am really a spoiled kid, I realised that. I know the situation is not going to change, but I can't help but to hope, because the other person gave me hope. That's why I have been trying to avoid that person and if I can't avoid her, I can't help but feel pissed off and angry because they talk like they are giving me hope, encouraging me to do what I want, and getting my hopes up. But after exchanging few conversations, they will start to see our hopes high up and began to stomp them down to their feet. It is like carrying someone and throwing them to the floor harshly. They did not realise they have done such thing, and kept doing that.
I decided to change the perspective of life to not trust anyone easily, even though it's a family. I will live by instinct, like how animals live, because I am raised and surrounded by untrustworthy people.
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